Progenitor-Offspring Dictionary

Fourteen years ago when I first went to Argentina, I found myself surrounded by a large number of people that I couldn't understand very well. I had studied Spanish for some time, but my book learning was different from actually being on the street. There was, however, one little tool which I found most handy, and which I carried with me for the first several months--until everyone started speaking intelligibly: the Spanish-English Dictionary.

Now that I have a "whole big huge massive family", as one friend of mine recently observed, I thought all other parents might benefit from some of the key words and phrases which may too often be "lost in translation" with their children. Yes, I'm providing the Progenitor-Offspring Dictionary.

For 8-year old girls:
Word: Living Room Wall
Translation: Something to practice shooting a basketball against when it's too cold to go outside.

Word: Carolina Panthers Football
Translation: "Who cares? I like basketball!"

Word: T-shirt
Translation: It's called a jersey if it has a number on it somewhere.

Word: Softball
Translation: Basketball

Word: Nerf ball
Translation: Basketball

Word: Dinner
Translation: Basketball

Word: Father
Translation: Wallet

For 5 (almost 6) year old girls:
Word: Dinner
Translation: Ice Cream, Fruit Snacks, Peanut Butter Crackers, Candy

Phrase: "You're the worst dad ever."
Translation: "I'm too young to comprehend why it's unreasonable to consume ice cream, fruit snacks, peanut butter crackers and candy as my sole source of sustenance at meal time."

Phrase: "I never get to do anything I want."
Translation: "It has been approximately 3 minutes since we spent 60 minutes doing something that interests me."

Phrase: "I don't have any clothes!"
Translation: "Going all the way to the laundry room to check the laundry basket or dryer for clean clothes myself feels like 26.2 miles away for my little feet."

Word: Bed Time
Translation: Dinner Time

Word: Father
Translation: Wallet

For 3-year old boys:
Word: Furniture
Translation: Trampoline (see also Gymnasium)

Word: Baby Sister
Translation: "Plastic action figure whose arms don't stay where I position them."

Word: Big boy underwear
Translation: Diaper

Phrase: Family Scripture Study before bedtime
Translation: Recess!

Word: Big Sister
Translation: Master

Word: Hammer
Translation: Hammer

Word: Fork
Translation: Hammer

Word: Toy truck
Translation: Hammer

Word: Building blocks
Translation: Hammers

Word: Kitchen table
Translation: Trash can

For 2-month old girls:
Word: Sudden, blood-curdling scream
Translation: "Get the one they call 'Max' off of me!"

Word: Loud cry
Translation: "I hear the one they call 'Max' approaching...!"

Word: Sudden whimper
Translation: "Whose little hands keep knocking my plastic sucking plug out of my mouth?! (I'm outraged that you insinuate that the hands were mine.)"

Word: Constant cry
Translation: "It's been 20 minutes. Don't you guys ever eat around here?"

Word: Unconsolable cry
Translation: "It's 2:00 a.m. and I noticed that you were trying to sleep."


Hopefully, you will find these translations useful, and now that you are able to speak the language of your offspring, your parenting skills will be able to rise to a whole new level.