Triskaidekaphobia

Even though I absolutely demolished last year's goal of blogging by an astonishing 200%, I've still decided to raise the bar this year and try to blog more than the 3 times that I did all of last year--if I can remember how to do this.  (In fact, it's been so long since I've blogged, I'm sure my audience now consists only of people stumbling upon this blog while Googling "triskaidekaphobia" and "comings and goings" in the same search string, myself, and the one of my children who keeps insisting that I publish her PowerPoint presentations here.)

So, dear two non-me "Comings and Goings of Nathan and Megan" readers, what can you expect from me this year?

1. A Catch Up on Nathan + Megan Family Activities since March 2011.  Since that was the date of my last post, you're probably asking yourself what on earth has happened to us since that time with self-inquisitions like: 

• "It's only been 10 months, but have they moved?  Again?"  
• "Have they had the baby?  (If not, Megan would be a very unhappy camper at about 56 weeks pregnant now!)  What did they name it/her?"
• "Have they gone on any trips or had any Christmas's to Remember?"  
• "Have they written any witty end of 2012 letters worth posting here?"  

(As usual, though, I'm making no guarantees that these updates will be chrono-logical, eco-logical or just regular-old logical either.)

2. A Posting of Various PowerPoint Presentations.  This will probably be one or two from Kaitlyn's fine collection of decks on topics such as music, love or donuts, but I may throw in Ali's birthday plan (despite it's lack of financial analysis), or my own POV on the state of U.S. government spending.  (I know...they all sound riveting.)

3. Long and Pointless Rants Exceeding 140 characters. Unfortunately, all my short and to-the-point rants will be found on my Twitter feed with the hashtag: #allcomingsandgoingsofnathanandmeganatblogspotdotcomshortandtothepointrants.  And, all of my observations about the things I'm about to eat and times when I'm standing on an escalator will continue to be found on my Facebook page (once I find my password).  So, that just leaves this blog as my only forum for going on and on and on (perhaps giving new meanings to the "goings" of Nathan and Megan).

So, that's it.  Sit back and enjoy the wait for these and other wonderous topics this coming year from yours truly.

Good Lines From Today

I love the things my kids say.  Here's a representative sample--just from today:

Ava (while pointing at herself and smiling big, because she knows what she's doing): "Dad!"  (I've been trying to teach her her own name, by pointing to her and saying "Ava".  She knows her name, but she points at herself and says "Dad" to be funny and laugh.)

Max: "Kate?  When are you going to get bath-tized?"  (In fairness to Max, it does look like a big bathtub.)

Kaitlyn, trying to argue her case that we should go on a family-ish walk: "Mom, how about the rest of us all go for a walk and you can stay home and watch The Firm?"  (She clearly overheard Megan earlier in the day who said that we had DVR'ed it but not watched it yet.)

Alison: "Dad, when you knocked Kate over you made child dominoes!"  (I accidentally bumped Kaitlyn into Max and they both fell over.)

Classic Dad, Classic

Since I already demolished my 2012 blogging goal of posting once for the entire year, I thought I'd go ahead and be an overachiever.  Besides, according to my informal spy networks, the faithful blog reader(s) of the Comings and Goings of Nathan and Megan are growing anxious for some new entertainment news.

The other day for lunch (or was it dinner) we were in rush so we decided to have Kraft® Macaroni and Cheese.  Megan, of course, did all of the real work, but after I reminded the kids to thank their mom for the meal, I decided to get in on some of the credit.  I said, "Yea...Mom did the simple stuff with just adding the final ingredients, but I did most of it.  First, I had to find the pot to cook it in.  And, it wasn't in the first place I looked.  Then, I looked in the dishwasher and it wasn't there either.  Then, I looked somewhere else and finally found it.  After that, I had to  go all the way to the sink to fill it with water, and then determine which of the burners to cook it on by carefully matching the right burner with little picture next to the knob on the stove.  Then..."

Before I could finish, Kaitlyn just looked at me and shook her head while saying, "Classic Dad.  Classic."

Speaking of food, we stopped by a Wendy's on the way home from a quick Saturday morning trip to the Columbia South Carolina Temple.  As we pulled into the gas station next door, Alison started crying; I mean sobbing.  We asked her what was the matter.  She responded, "My hamburger meat keeps slipping out of the bun and getting ketchup all over so I literally can't eat my hamburger!"  It was fairly tragic.  After our first suggestions at a remedy were scoffed at, we were finally able to re-wrap the burger in the paper wrapper to keep the slippery meat from escaping her bite.  Fortunately, we are all able to laugh about it now that someone else cried over something equally ridiculous at the dinner table a few days later.

Since Max has so much feminine influence in his life with 3 sisters and a mom, I've been trying to make sure he's getting more man time in his life.  We recently signed him up for flag football at the local YMCA.  I showed him the "man shake" to use in a lieu of a hug wherein we 'high five' but then pull each other in close to bump opposite shoulders and then smack each other on the back as hard as we can stand.  I also started trying to call him "best friend"--as in, "Let's go outside and play soccer, best friend" or "Hey, best friend, do you want to watch Jake and Neverland Pirates?"  Unfortunately, it didn't even last a day (or the better part of 30 minutes).  After trying to invite my "best friend" to go upstairs and play cars he looked at me sternly and, "Dad, we're not best friends.  We already talked about this."  Man, it's no good when even my 4-year old son is embarrassed of me...around the house. 

I think Ava is sensing that she's not going to be the baby in the family forever and is becoming increasingly lazy.  She can go up and down stairs just fine.  But, if you are upstairs and don't pick her up and carry her downstairs with you, she now lays down on the floor and cries while pointing down the stairs, all while giving you a look that implies something like "What you can't even carry your own poor, helpless daughter down the stairs?"  She also now refuses to hold her own sippy cup up at the angle necessary to cause the liquid to reach the sipping mechanism.  Oh, she can do that too; she's been doing that for 6 months.  But, she just wants to show who's boss--and clearly she is.

Megan also said something funny the other day.  I think it had something to do with the Jim Carrey movie, Leap Dave William, since we just celebrated Leap Day by wearing our traditional blue and yellow garb.

Happy New Year!

Ok. So, it's New Year's Day. Time for some resolutions. I thought that the faithful Coming and Goings blog reader(s) would want to know what was on my list. Here you go:

1. Contract the cold that has been going around various people in both Indiana and North Carolina. (A little bit of each one for good measure.)
2. Post on the blog.
3. Once.
4. For the entire year.

Wow. I'm done and we're not even 24 hours into the new year yet. How's that for efficiency?

In case there were too many words on this page for your liking, here are some photos from December of the kids doing various and sundry random things. (Sheesh! It was only 84 words...)

Happy New Year!

Gone in Sixty Seconds

I think it's ESPN or SportsCenter that has a sixty second recap of the day's top sports stories or highlights. Since I am now woefully behind on the year, I thought I'd just give you--the faithful Comings and Goings of Nathan and Megan blog reader(s)--the sixty second recap of everything important that has happened this year that I haven't blogged about yet. Then, we'll be all caught up. Get your timers ready--and read fast!

1.  Ali's Birthday

Alison turned a whopping 9 years old. She had a party.  In Indiana.

 At the party--

• Ali was the only girl who was invited.
• It was a basketball party.
• They played basketball.
• Avery was a good cheerleader and watched from her stroller.
• Megan was a good mom and managed the whole thing, including picture-taking.
• Ali got lots of presents relating to basketball.
• Basketball.

2.  Nauvoo
We drove to Nauvoo, IL (passing "And I Oughta..." IL along the way) for a family reunion on my side of the family.

While we were there--

• Ava learned how to eat her new dress.
• We went to the temple.
• We went up in the spire of the temple and looked out over the Mississippi river.
• We got locked in Carthage Jail.
• We had various and sundry family firesides and events.
• I played guitar at one of said events (along with my cousin Carrie).
• We saw Grandma and Grandpa!
• We loved seeing and hanging out with Mike and Marilyn and their kids.
• We swam at the Indoor Pool.
• No one got sick, surprisingly (as always seems to happen on our vacations--see a A Christmas To Remember, for example).

3.  Michael's Wedding / Trip to Denver
Megan's brother Michael met a girl named Heather.  They got married.  In Colorado.  We went.  It was only 2 days after we got home from Nauvoo.

While we were there--

• Kaitlyn dug up dinosaur bones.
• Megan held Avery.
• Max got a girlfriend (nevermind the sippy cup).
• The cake was delicious.
• Kaitlyn posed for the camera.
• We went to Red Rocks.  Twice.
• Nathan held Avery.
• We went to the Denver Acquarium and swam with (or looked at...whichever you prefer) sharks.
• Fake sharks ate Nathan's head.
• We met that sea turtle from Finding Nemo, dude.
• We saw, but did not swim with, real tigers.
• Ali was not eaten by a tank of piranha.

4.  Max's Birthday
Max turned a whopping 4 years old.  He had a party. In North Carolina.

On his special day--

• He got pirate cupcakes.
• He blew out candles.
• He got a gumball machine he was excited about (and ate every gumball for it within the space of approximately 60 minutes).  This toy now sits, discarded, in a corner of his bedroom.
• He had a party at the park with some of his new friends.
• He also received a punching bag, Paper Jamz guitar (which Ali got for Christmas last year and decided to give to Max since he played with it more than she did), and some other stuff you can see in this picture.
• He was surprised at the spread he came down to first thing in the morning.

5.  Ava's Birthday
Ava turned a whopping 1 years old.  We had a small, family party (+ 1 of Ali's friends who happened to be over.)

On her special day--

• She got a Build-a-Bear.
• She got a giant music-making block, probably called a Learning Cube, or something like that.
• She got a baby iPhone.
• She learned how to climb onto the dishwasher.
• She cried when Max kissed her.
• She got a whole cake to herself.
• She stuck her face in the cake and couldn't believe she had to eat such a huge treat without any help.
• She ate wrapping paper.  Probably.

6.  Hawaii
Megan and I went to Hawaii for our 10 Year Anniversary.  Even the flights there were relaxing (although I did have to fight the urge to turn the lights off and on, push the "call stewardess" button, crumble crackers on the floor, kick the seats in front of us, switch seats about 15 times and use the bathroom about 20 times just so it would feel like a normal flight with the kids).

(Of course, while we were in Hawaii, Avery started walking!  We saw her first steps via emailed video.  Thanks to Megan's parents for watching the kids so we could go.)

While we were there we--

• Went to Oahu.
• Wiped out surfing.
• Hiked up Diamondhead and saw a sunrise.
• Took a picture of a picture of the Diamondhead volcano mountain thing.
• Saw rainbows almost every day.
• Attended a swap meet to purchase Hawaiian goods.
• Went to Pearl Harbor.
• Took a picture of a picture of Pearl Harbor.
• Saw dolphins swimming in the ocean through the incredibly blue and clear water.
• Drove by Uncle Bo's Pu Pu grill.  (Sounds tasty.)
• Ate ice cream every day.
• Kept stopping on our drives to pull off a random beautiful beaches.
• Went to the Napali Coast.
• Went snorkeling.
• Saw waterfalls and mountains only accessible by boat.
• Saw the Laie Hawaii Temple.
• Went to the Polynesian Cultural Center.
• Saw wild roosters.
• Saw a stormtroopers mask spray painted on the ground by Opekea Falls.
• Took a picture of sand.
• Watched surfers and a sunset on Poipu beach.
• Canoed the Wailua River.
• Boated into incredible caves.
• Saw that our rental car keys warned us not to do something, but the image behind it was all blurred, so we probably did end up doing it.
• Attended the Kauai 1st Ward.
• Sat by the pool and read books / Kindles.  (No Applied Mergers and Acquisitions this year.  This time it was What Customers Want.)
• Discovered a giant metal flower petal.  Or, it could have a been a submarine propeller.

7.  Halloween
We dressed up for Halloween.  We counted our the candy, but, sorry, no graph this year.

Halloween costumes were--

• Ali was a DJ (she made the turn tables herself)
• Kaitlyn was a fashion model (when isn't she?)
• Max was "IncrediBoy" (he didn't want to be called 'Dash' from the Incredibles)
• Ava was a duck (so she could keep warm)

And there you have it.  You're up-to-date, in only sixty seconds (give or take).  I think this should count as 7 individual blog posts--which will bring my annual total to 21--just 2 behind my overall total from last year with a month and a half left to go!  Futbol.

Signs, Signs Everywhere There's Signs

I have developed a new hobby. Surprisingly, it is not music related. It is photography. Well, I wouldn't really call it photography. It's taking pictures with my iPhone (because that's the only camera that I happen to have on me at these opportune moments) of signs and advertisements that I find hilarious. Take a look at my budding collection below and you'll probably wonder, like I did, who thought of actually putting this stuff in print.

#1: Warning, Ground May Be Closer Than It Appears

We found this one at Great Wolf Lodge.  Is this really necessary?  "Dear Guests, please do not walk straight into the ground.  Do not dive into the floor.  I know this concrete looks deep enough to dive into, but be careful--it's a deceptively shallow 0 feet 0 inches."  

#2: Great New Product--But Read the Fine Print

From Costco, it's a brand new product: Genuine Muscle Milk!  It's genuine, but note that it "contains no milk."  I'm not sure how it can be both genuine and not contain any milk.  What's genuine about this?

If it's this easy I'm going to sell "Guaranteed Miracle Cream" (does not guarantee miracles).  

#3: Tells It Like It Is

"Man it sure smells bad around here.  Oh that's why...we're near the exit for Stinking Creek road."

#4: Not So Secret Hide Out

Batman is starting to show signs of his age.  Apparently, he was born / created around 1939-1940 and his hideout, the Bat Cave, was where he kept all of his wonderful toys, and which also protected his secret identity.  Now, that he's past retirement age, I guess he couldn't remember how to get back to the cave and had these signs installed on the freeway: 

"Bat Cave Exit 49A 1/4 mile"

D'oh!  So much for the secret hideout.  It reminds me of another sign I saw but couldn't get the picture of: "Secret Shortcut Road."


#5: 100 Year Old Death Metal Band

When we were at Red Rocks a few months ago during a trip to Denver for Megan's brother's wedding (to be blogged about eventually), they had a list of all of the acts who had played there, and I discovered this awesome band name: 

"Cremation of Care" with the opening act "The Arrival of the Goddess of Prosperity."  I think they were a little ahead of their time.


#6: What The Fish?!

During that same Denver trip we also went to the Denver Aquarium and found quite a few goodies.

I like this one.

You can call it the Tire Track Eel OR the Zig-Zag Eel.  We couldn't decide what it was really called, so we went ahead with the undersea equivalent of the hyphenated last name after marriage.  At least tire tracks and zig-zags bear some resemblance.  So, I was a bit puzzled by this one.

"The Lionfish is also known as the turkeyfish, red firefish, peacock fish and butterfly cod."

Later when we went to the zoo I finally understood why this particular fish had the name it did.  Have you ever tried to tell the difference between a lion, turkey, peacock or butterfly?  They are practically indistinguishable!

This particular fish was a fan of Stephen King's "The Shining."

#7: An Interesting Gift

While we were at the Lion cage at the zoo trying to tell if the feline was actually a peacock, we got a great idea for our sacred and mystical-power-giving Christmas gifts this year:

I'm pretty sure there was another reason that these "gifts" were given secretly.


If you have other hilarious photos, please pass them along for my collection.

Oh, There Is One More Thing . . .

Labor Day weekend always seemed like a great day to go to the beach. As a kid growing up in Tucson, however, we never had much chance to do a Labor Day beach trip. We had plenty of beach, just no ocean. So, we thought we'd take advantage of the long weekend and make a trip out of it.

I still had loyalty program points left over from my consulting days, so we decided to cash in some free hotel nights and see which beaches were open in Charleston, SC after the hurricane the previous week. We left early Saturday morning and drove straight to Isle of Palms beach.

Our first order of business was sending the kids into the water to stare wistfully out to sea while imagining being marooned on an uncharted desert isle on what was supposed to be a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

That, however, didn't last long as the giant waves immediately chased them back to shore. (We had spent a good portion of the drive reassuring them that at the depths they were swimming slash wading at, that there was little imminent danger of shark attack--no matter what the movie trailers said.)

After playing in the waves for a short 2 hours (give or take some hours), we set out on our first order of business: building a giant sand castle.  We were fairly exhausted from all of the wave jumping, however, so we paused to eat some snacks.  While we weren't looking, Max surprised us by creating a true beach delicacy: wet Twizzlers frosted with a light sand glaze.  

As we munched on our crunchy licorice, we discovered that building thousands of sand bricks would take far longer than anticipated, and so we settled on creating a more moderate plan of constructing a simple 3-tiered structure, adorned with sea shells and surrounded by a shallow moat.  (Architect's son.)  

We also enjoyed sitting in the "hot tub"--a shallow pool that was left after the tide receded and was quickly warmed by the hot sun.  (Max took advantage of the opportunity to practice his Jedi balancing moves.)

As the kids covered their appendages with a thick layer of drying sand, even Ava got in on the action and loved crawling all around and "splish splashing" in the water.

At the conclusion of our wonderful beach day we found that we had learned several important lessons:

1. Don't leave any food you plan on actually eating at the beach accessible to a 3-year old boy.
2. Salt water rushing up your nostrils from the force of a wave does not appear to clear your sinuses.
3. You can't push a stroller on sand very easily, but if you want a great work out you can load it up and carry it down the beach.
4. Kids aerosol sunscreen sprayed on in stripes, and not properly rubbed in, will leave your husband's back looking like a Bengal tiger with pink and white stripes after a day in the sun.

The next day, after enjoying a genuine South Carolinian testimony meeting at the local LDS meetinghouse, we set out on our first order of business: taking a boat out to see Fort Sumter.

At Fort Sumter we were able to see a cannon which Abraham Lincoln personally shot at the Russians to put an end to the Spanish American war.

Actually, I'm a little sketchy on the details because we skipped the tour to take pictures of the tourists listening to the tour guide and to find the restrooms for the kids. I think it may have, in reality, had something to do with the site where the first engagement of the Civil War took place on April 12 and 13, 1861.

Once we returned back to shore from the island of Fort Sumter, Max gave us a good scare by running off and getting lost for several minutes before we were able to find him.  I think he just grew weary of the diligent salesperson's pitch trying to sell us a massively overpriced photo of our family with an image of an aircraft carrier on a bright, sunny day in the background (despite it being a windy and heavily overcast day and the photo was taken in front of a green screen).

All in all, we had a wonderful Labor Day trip to South Carolina.

Oh, there is one more thing...

We now lived in Charlotte, North Carolina.