Fourteen years ago when I first went to Argentina, I found myself surrounded by a large number of people that I couldn't understand very well. I had studied Spanish for some time, but my book learning was different from actually being on the street. There was, however, one little tool which I found most handy, and which I carried with me for the first several months--until everyone started speaking intelligibly: the Spanish-English Dictionary.
Now that I have a "whole big huge massive family", as one friend of mine recently observed, I thought all other parents might benefit from some of the key words and phrases which may too often be "lost in translation" with their children. Yes, I'm providing the Progenitor-Offspring Dictionary.
For 8-year old girls:
Word: Living Room Wall
Translation: Something to practice shooting a basketball against when it's too cold to go outside.
Word: Carolina Panthers Football
Translation: "Who cares? I like basketball!"
Word: T-shirt
Translation: It's called a jersey if it has a number on it somewhere.
Word: Softball
Translation: Basketball
Word: Nerf ball
Translation: Basketball
Word: Dinner
Translation: Basketball
Word: Father
Translation: Wallet
For 5 (almost 6) year old girls:
Word: Dinner
Translation: Ice Cream, Fruit Snacks, Peanut Butter Crackers, Candy
Phrase: "You're the worst dad ever."
Translation: "I'm too young to comprehend why it's unreasonable to consume ice cream, fruit snacks, peanut butter crackers and candy as my sole source of sustenance at meal time."
Phrase: "I never get to do anything I want."
Translation: "It has been approximately 3 minutes since we spent 60 minutes doing something that interests me."
Phrase: "I don't have any clothes!"
Translation: "Going all the way to the laundry room to check the laundry basket or dryer for clean clothes myself feels like 26.2 miles away for my little feet."
Word: Bed Time
Translation: Dinner Time
Word: Father
Translation: Wallet
For 3-year old boys:
Word: Furniture
Translation: Trampoline (see also Gymnasium)
Word: Baby Sister
Translation: "Plastic action figure whose arms don't stay where I position them."
Word: Big boy underwear
Translation: Diaper
Phrase: Family Scripture Study before bedtime
Translation: Recess!
Word: Big Sister
Translation: Master
Word: Hammer
Translation: Hammer
Word: Fork
Translation: Hammer
Word: Toy truck
Translation: Hammer
Word: Building blocks
Translation: Hammers
Word: Kitchen table
Translation: Trash can
For 2-month old girls:
Word: Sudden, blood-curdling scream
Translation: "Get the one they call 'Max' off of me!"
Word: Loud cry
Translation: "I hear the one they call 'Max' approaching...!"
Word: Sudden whimper
Translation: "Whose little hands keep knocking my plastic sucking plug out of my mouth?! (I'm outraged that you insinuate that the hands were mine.)"
Word: Constant cry
Translation: "It's been 20 minutes. Don't you guys ever eat around here?"
Word: Unconsolable cry
Translation: "It's 2:00 a.m. and I noticed that you were trying to sleep."
Hopefully, you will find these translations useful, and now that you are able to speak the language of your offspring, your parenting skills will be able to rise to a whole new level.
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12 comments:
Nathan, your blogging ability astounds me and I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little jealous. Perhaps one of my favorite blog posts ever.
This is totally hilarious, we laughed out loud! I think you have a best-seller on your hands. You can thank "the one they call Max" for that!
Love,
Mom and Dad Carlson
Haha! SO funny! Thanks for sharing.
I'm still laughing! It probably would have been useful to have this dictionary before our visit this past week, but then again, the translations make even more sense to us because of what we have just witnessed. So loved being with you all!
Love it! Although, my 8-year-old would translate a basketball into, "What the heck is this orange thing I'm holding and what am I supposed to do with it?"
Thanks for the laugh! You guys are great at not losing the humor of raising children. Hats off!! That was hilarious!
Thanks for the laughter at the end of the day, Nathan. You rock!
the ones about max cracked me up!
The votes are in, you are HILARIOUS!!! Nathan, you crack me up! Every time I talk to you or read your post I walk away with a smile on my face. So funny! Best thing though is that your kids are stinkin cute and make it all the better! I'm also glad to know that "father" still means the same thing that it did when I was at home. ;) Love ya!
You scared me away from having a fourth child!! I love that big sis loves basketball. My 8-year-old is obsessed with crafts. I need to send her over to your house.
Love it! So hilarious! I love Kaitlyn's glizty birthday shots, too. You can see that she is just eating it up! What a natural on the runway!
ROFL! And I pretty much have never used that term in my life.
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