Our Christmas went exactly according to plan--the following plan:
(All times approximate.)
December 227:00 p.m.: Kick-off Christmas early during Family Home Evening with the nativity play at Megan's parents starring Kaitlyn as Mary, Alison as a wise man/person, Michael as narrator, Grant as Joseph, Gavin as a wise man/person, and Kaitlyn's doll as the baby Jesus. In this version of the story, make sure Mary takes the baby with her to Bethlehem because she won't let go of the baby doll. (Note the pensive Mary.)
December 23
7:30 a.m.: Celebrate Christmas early as a family. (Ensure only gifts that are larger than a suitcase are given--despite the certain resulting inquiries from the children: "Didn't I ask Santa for this? Will he know that you already got it for me? Will I get two of these?")
December 24
4:00 a.m.: Wake-up. Get ready. Load the suit cases in the car (including a mostly empty one--hopefully Santa got the message that we wouldn't be able to take--er, bring back--gifts exceeding a certain size).
11:30 a.m.: Arrive in Utah. Discover that Grandmother has the stomach flu. Cancel plans to visit her. Quickly make alternate plans to visit Megan's sister's family for a few hours in the afternoon.
3:00 p.m.: Enjoy a wonderful (yet brief) visit with Nathan, Melissa, Maddy, Jenna, Holly, Bonnie, Benjamin, Amy, Ammon, a new house, and about 2 feet of recent snow.
7:00 p.m.: Arrive at my Grandpa's house and enjoy a wonderful reuniting with my family. Explain to them that the white stuff on the ground outside is called "snow." They don't have it in Arizona.
11:00 p.m.: Finish with the final preparations for Christmas and go to bed, exhausted.
1:00 a.m.: Notice that the space heaters aren't on and that the room is getting cold. Head out to the garage to find the breaker box to flip the circuits back on so the heaters will work.
December 25
6:15 a.m.: Talk to brother on mission in Taiwan.
8:00 a.m.: Feel two excited daughters (and one slightly confused son) waking us up again. Race upstairs (in a controlled manner so that we can appropriately take pictures and video record) to see if Santa came.
8:01 a.m.: Tear through presents as quickly as possible, sparing as little time as possible for such things as reading cards, obligatory thank you hugs and cleaning up shredded wrapping paper and packaging. Wear whatever can be worn.
10:00 a.m.: Watch Josh propose marriage to my sister Michelle while we all watch, in awe and surprise, and as Mary Lee videotapes the entire thing. (Congratulations Michelle and Josh! We love you guys!)
3:00 p.m.: Visit Grandmother--stomach flu or not. Spread Christmas cheer.
5:00 p.m.: Leave to drive up to Idaho.
5:15 p.m.: Try to stop for a quick bite to eat since we probably won't make it up to Idaho in time for Christmas dinner with Dad's family.
5:16 p.m.: Realize that there is nothing open anywhere in the entire Salt Lake valley because it's Christmas Day.
6:15 p.m.: Make it as far as Bountiful before being caught in a Christmas blizzard obscuring the lines on the road (and dumping several inches of snow within an hour). Turn around to make our way back to Grandpa's house at 20 MPH. Make sure the blizzard enworsens as each 15 minutes passes.
7:15 p.m.: Try to drive up the hill to get to Grandpa's house. Go nowhere. Slide back down the hill. Wonder how you're going to get home. Drive to grocery store parking lot to await Grandpa's return (with his 4-wheel drive vehicle).
7:30 p.m.: Attempt an alternate route to Grandpa's house. Make some progress. Then, hit a steeper hill and go nowhere. Slide back down the hill.
7:35 p.m.: Switch drivers.
7:45 p.m.: Watch Dad attempt to drive up the steeper hill only to go nowhere, rotate 180 degrees and then slide into a snow bank.
8:10 p.m.: Finish digging car out of snow bank with the assistance of shovels owned by the people whose snow bank you slide into as well as two mystery strangers who see your predicament.
8:15 p.m.: Park rental car back at the grocery store parking lot. Switch luggage, car seats and children to Dad's car assuming it will make it since they were successfully able to get to the house while you waited at the parking lot at 7:15 p.m.
8:16 p.m.: Kaitlyn says she is about to have an accident in the car--she can't hold it. Nothing is open. Pull Kaitlyn out of the car and tell her to go right there. Watch Kaitlyn freak out and say she can't go.
8:17 p.m.: Put Kaitlyn back in the car. Kaitlyn again says she is about to have an accident in the car--she can't hold it. Did I mention nothing is open? Pull Kaitlyn out of the car and tell her to go right there. Watch Kaitlyn freak out and say she can't go.
8:18 p.m.: Put Kaitlyn back into the car. By this time Kaitlyn should be hysterical and say she is about to throw up. Pull Kaitlyn out of the car and help her get in control of herself. Successfully avoid all accidents.
8:18:30 p.m.: Make sure all dependents gently and patiently remind you that they are starving and sweetly ask when they will eat again.
8:19 p.m.: Remain calm.
8:20 p.m.: Send Megan and the kids with Dad and wait in the rental car in the parking lot for him to return and shuttle you up to the house as well.
8:29 p.m.: Get picked up by Grandpa in his 4-wheel drive and head back up to his house.
8:35 p.m.: Drive past some poor saps in a sedan sliding down the hill in a non-4-wheel drive vehicle. Realize it's Dad and the kids and that they haven't been able to get up the hill. Turn around and meet them back in the grocery store parking lot.
8:59 p.m.: Switch luggage, car seats and children into Grandpa's 4-wheel drive and send them home. (They make it!)
9:00 p.m.: Try yet another alternate route in Dad's car and finally make it back to Grandpa's house.
9:51 p.m.: Make sure Megan and the kids are OK as well as fed. (They are all content.)
10:03 p.m.: Eat.
1:00 a.m.: Notice that the space heaters aren't on and that the room is getting cold. Head out to the garage to find the breaker box to flip the circuits back on so the heaters will work.
December 26
12:00 p.m.: Refuse to drive the rental car in the snow anymore. Borrow uncle's Honda CRV for trip to Idaho. Drive to Idaho in 5.5 hours (normal duration: 3.75 hours) due to icy road conditions. Be grateful for CRV.
8:00 p.m.: Have a wonderful time with family getting all of the dirt on how each couple met, got engaged, and got grilled by Grandma and Grandpa.
December 27
10:00 a.m.: Celebrate Christmas with Dad's side of the family.
10:15 a.m.: Start celebrating Kaitlyn's birthday.
11:00 a.m.: Get nice 4-generation picture of Max with his Dad (Nathan) with his Dad with his Dad (also named Max); there's 4 good looking gentlemen.
11:00 p.m: Play games and set up Grandpa and Grandma's new flat-screen TV.
December 28
9:00 a.m.: Attend Grandpa and Grandma's ward.
12:15 p.m.: Help push Grandpa and Grandma's car out of the snow so we can leave church.
1:00 p.m.: Get family pictures taken with Dad and Mary Lee's nice new SLR camera--the kind Megan wanted for Christmas.
2:00 p.m.: Drive back to Utah.
5:00 p.m.: Have Max throw up in the car just minutes after leaving Malad for a restroom break. Make sure that the next exit is no fewer than 27 miles away.
5:15 p.m.: Have Max throw up again for good measure.
December 29
Spend a wonderful day with all of our Utah friends. Play Wii. Play Giant Killer Spoons. Eat junk food. Stay up late. Send wives on shopping trip to Gap, Shade, Christmas Wrapping Paper Clearance Outlet Express, and to other feminine stores. Ensure husbands go to Best Buy to check out big TV's and Dick's Sporting Goods to hit golf balls (since the courses are all closed for the winter).
December 30
9:30 a.m.: Get family pictures taken professionally.
11:00 a.m.: Go out to breakfast at Magelby's Fresh. Order endless waffles and overeat.
12:30 a.m.: Leave to return to Grandpa's house. The day should be beautiful and sunny. (It is.)
1:00 p.m.: Get rear-ended in rental car on the freeway in stop-and-go traffic. Ensure that you are hit at 30+ MPH so you can be sandwiched between the Mitsubishi that hits you and a Chevy SUV in front of you.
(The car that hit us:)
(The car we hit:)
1:05 p.m.: Be grateful that no one is seriously injured and that the EMT's respond quickly.
4:30 p.m.: Finish with police reports, auto-towing, insurance calls, pick up kids from sister's house (since they are able to come take the kids from the side of freeway back to their house while you deal with everything else--thanks Bryan for picking them up; you guys earned your place in our will!), and get new rental car.
7:00 p.m.: Go to Build-a-Bear-Workshop with Dad, Mary Lee, Camille and Michelle to celebrate Kaitlyn's birthday.
December 31
1:00 a.m.: Notice that the space heaters aren't on and that the room is getting cold. Head out to the garage to find the breaker box to flip the circuits back on so the heaters will work.
3:00 a.m.: Wake up. Get ready. Load car. Wonder how you're going to get all this stuff on the plane as carry-ons because you don't want to have to pay $15 to check each bag.
5:45 a.m.: Catch flight home.
1:00 p.m.: Arrive home.
7:00 p.m.: Be grateful that Megan's parents have a New Year's Eve Party for the grandkids. Celebrate New Year's early while dropping off the kids. Make sure Ali says, "Mom...you can come in, but once the party starts you have to leave."
9:00 p.m.: Update the budget from everything spent on the trip, and go to bed. Exhausted.
Phew. I need a vacation.
