How to Repair Drywall

Step 1: Have spouse run into garage wall with mini-van so you have drywall to repair. (See Figure 1 below.)

Figure 1

Step 2: Avoid expletives 1, 2, and 3; substitute phrases like, "I think the wall is a little closer than you thought it was."

Step 3: Wonder if any 2x4's were cracked or damaged.

Step 4: Call father (who is an architect) for advice.

Step 5: Speak with father-in-law. Have father-in-law over for second visual opinion of damage assessment.

Step 6: Notice that the dining room wall (the opposite side of the wall shown in Figure 1) is bulging.

Step 7: Repeat Step 2.

Step 8: Cut the wall open enough to determine that no 2x4's are damaged. (See Figure 2 below.)

Figure 2

Step 9: Notice that one of the 2x4's is no longer flush with the edge of the base, but has been pushed in about 1/4" or so--which explains the bulging wall. (See Figure 3 below and enlargement in Figure 4.)

Figure 3

Figure 4

Step 10: Take hammer, towel and spare piece of wood and pound base of dining room wall until baseboard appears to start cracking in order to drive displaced 2x4 back into place. When 2x4 is back in it's correct position, it should appear something like Figure 5 below.

Figure 5

Step 11: Measure an exact rectangular piece of the wall to cut out so you can go to Home Depot and buy a piece of replacement drywall. (See Figure 6 below.)

Figure 6

Step 12: Clean up your mess so you feel like things are more under control than they really are. (See Figure 7 below.)

Figure 7

Step 13: Assess the probabilities of the wall being hit again. (If the probability is determined to be high, install hanging tennis ball mechanism. If the probability is deemed low, forget about it.)

Step 14: Install hanging tennis ball mechanism. (see Figure 8 below.)

Figure 8

Step 15: Go to Home Depot. Convince attendant to let you cut a rectangular piece of replacement drywall off of a new, clean sheet and charge you only $1.50.

Step 16: Make sure to cut piece of drywall exactly 1-inch too short.

Step 17: Return to Home Depot.

Step 18: Convince different attendant to sell you for only $1.00 the rest of that entire huge piece of drywall that "somebody has cut a big rectangular piece out of." Now you will have plenty of drywall should you measure wrong again.

Step 19: Borrow drywall compound (a.k.a "mud"), drywall knife, drywall tin thingee, book about repairing drywall, drywall "tape" and drywall screws from father-in-law.

Step 20: Cut drywall to correct shape. Attach to wall with borrowed box of drywall screws. (See Figure 10 below.)

Figure 10

Step 20: Apply mud and tape.

Step 21: Be sure the mud has plenty of time to dry before continuing to work on it. Take businses trip to Chicago to ensure one-week drying time.

Step 22: Sand all seams. Reapply mud.

Step 23: Go to Washington D.C. for 4 days.

Step 24: Repeats steps 22 and 23.

Step 25: Sand. Determine that it's not going to look any better and that "hey, it's only the garage anyway." (See Figure Whatever-Number-We're-On)

Figure Whatever-Number-We're-On

Step 26: Paint wall and let dry...

Total cost to repair drywall: $2.50 + labor.